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If video killed the radio star* and Puffy invented the remix, then technology is murdering relationships. Between text messages, instant messenging, and cellphone email, it’s impossible to get space from the very people we all need space from–the people we’re sleeping with.

(And building lives with, but big whoop on that one.)

In the good ole days—ya know, before 1998—the general order of things was that you’d talk to one another a few times a day to coordinate when you’d spend time together. That is how God intended it. Now?

Hell, it’s literally possible to talk to your significant other all damn day. Which is how Satan intended since he/she believes that relationships should all die a horrible and putrid death.

How are we supposed to build strong, lasting relationships when we’re forced to talk to one another all day long because AOL decided that instant communication was a good idea? It is not a good idea. In fact it is a bad idea. One of the most vital components of a relationship is space. Everybody needs it, whether you think you do or not. In fact, if you don’t need space you are a co-dependent f*ck who makes me want to throw jacks at kittens on the freeway. And of course, space can come in different forms but space is space, nonetheless.

And how, praytell, can one get space when you spend all day talking to your significant other? What’s worse is this…how exactly do you even bring it up that perhaps all that access isn’t a good thing? I’ll go so far as to say that most women probably don’t have a problem with all that access and in some ways relish it, or at least appreciate it. I’d guess that men don’t really care one way or another…after a certain point. Sure in the beginning everybody wants to talk to eachother all the time and type sweet nothings to one another and send smiley faces of mush. But at some point, that shit gets old.

Since women believe that what you did in the beginning should be what you do throughout eternity, no matter how realistic it may or may not be, you can’t go saying stuff like, “baby, I think we talk too much during the day.” This will make no sense to woman and she might look at you as if you have three breasts when in fact you’re dating a chick who wears a lower-case “a” cup who has none at all so she’s pissed twice.

This brings up an interesting point of debate. Why is it that women want and don’t want change at the exact same time? The f*cks up with that? Mature and change into the man that you know you can be but at the same time spend as much time doing the shit you did to get her in the first place…sure it’s a loose connection and bad math on my part, but I’m sexxy so there.

Sticking out tongue.

PS. Please go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Not because I so, but because I said please.

“…inside you…i want to feel myself, inside you…”